It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
