I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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