I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
try to milk me bitch
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