How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
