I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
