every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
