Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
