I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
