I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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