I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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