And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
