If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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