my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
