Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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