At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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