first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
