I could make wine with my vomit
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
