Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
