Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
