I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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