I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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