I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
