I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
