My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
