The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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