Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think my fart just growled at me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize