i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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