Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
