A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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