He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
