She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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