I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just pee around me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
