I could make wine with my vomit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You did what with his pubic hair?
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