Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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