So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
