wrigley field is MILF paradise
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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