Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
