My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize