my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
