She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
