your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize