Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
