i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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