I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
