i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
