it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
