6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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