so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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