If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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