i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
only if we run a train.
done.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize