Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
