everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
