so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
