Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
