your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
