I'm really into asian looking animals
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
