I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
