dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
