Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
