scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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