hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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