He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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