Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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