so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
