I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
