Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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