soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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