i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Mom said you looked used
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
