I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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