Pappa wants mamma naked
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize