how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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