My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
