I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
