He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
