You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
