Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
