so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
