Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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