apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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