like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
