i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
