areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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