i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
