Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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