Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize