Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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