only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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