I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
