she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
