thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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