I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
