I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
