I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
