I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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